Kid questions

[kitchen_kink]

I know I've asked questions like this before, but I'm working it again.

Several of you I know have kids, and you show up at play parties, have multiple lovers, have careers, run triathlons, and do not seem (past the first year or so) to be dying a thousand deaths from lack of sleep and constant aggravation.

I would like to hear how you do it.

I'd also like to hear from kid-ambivalent people - whether you have kids or not. I'm about to hit 35, and I'm feeling that deadline. I'm so close to a choice, I can feel it!

Comments

[roozle.livejournal.com]

Been there done that, maybe?

I have one suggestion: either seriously lower your housekeeping standards (no cholera? OKAY!) or get paid regular housecleaners.

Honestly. I'm serious. Something has to go, and cleaning house is the least fun and easiest to delegate or catch up on later. Noone ever said to their therapist "and my mom would NEVER match my socks before she put them in the drawer." You might wind up with a child who wears mismatched socks though. You do have to pick your battles.

Excellent, trustworthy childcare is a necessity and a blessing. This is costly and may feel difficult to justify if your external pursuits are not (or not yet) compensated in money, but if you try to do all your external pursuits with your spouse as the care provider, that leaves not enough time for spouse to do anything but work and kid care and that way lies resentment. In my experience.

When my children were small, my lovers put up with lots of childcare and family time in date nights, or they didn't see me. That's how it was. Date nights were dinner at home and putting kids to bed and *then* grownup time. As the kids got older this got to be less of a necessity.

Also, I will give you the words of advice I got from my mom when she heard I was planning to go back to work after Jacob was born.
Me: "we have it all worked out. I'll do 50% and Scott will do 50%
Mom: "that will never work"
Me: *bristles, feels the no support*
Mom: "If you do 100% and Scott does 100%, the ends will meet in the middle. Most of the time."

Alright, that's all I gotta say for now. It IS more of a conversation than a question.

[joyeous.livejournal.com]

I'm not poly nor planning on having children (yet), but I have to say I LOVE that conversation with your mother. :-) That holds true for so many things in life.

[entrope.livejournal.com]

When my children were small, my lovers put up with lots of childcare and family time in date nights, or they didn't see me. That's how it was. Date nights were dinner at home and putting kids to bed and *then* grownup time. As the kids got older this got to be less of a necessity.


Arrrrrrggggghhhhhhh, yes. Totally.

[moominmolly.livejournal.com]

I love the "no cholera? OKAY!" because, well, yeah. :)

I will echo this, and what mama_hogswatch said. Something has to go. Probably lots of things. In my experience you don't have to give up any individual pursuit, but you do have to scale back, and some things will fall by the wayside. I don't watch movies anymore, and I play pool maybe twice a year if I'm lucky. My housekeeping is atrocious. I quit my job and took one that required fewer hours and less brainpower. My clothes aren't as cool as they once were, and I don't remember the last time I sewed a weird outfit for a party (i.e. no more last-minute sleeveless faux fur tailcoats). I never sleep past 8:30 AM without significant prior logistical arranging. Natalie's socks are never matched, and her outfits often get pulled out of the clean laundry pile rather than her drawers. My loved ones all say that they don't see me enough, and I STILL feel like I don't get enough sleep or spend enough time with my kid or do well enough at my job.

When my children were small, my lovers put up with lots of childcare and family time in date nights, or they didn't see me. That's how it was. Date nights were dinner at home and putting kids to bed and *then* grownup time. As the kids got older this got to be less of a necessity.

A thousand times this.