Waking up on the wrong side of the red

[kitchen_kink]

If menstruating grosses you out or strikes you as improper LJ discussion, feel free to read no further. However, I hope that this will actually bring some cheer to people, particularly the ladies on my friends list.

I woke up in a terrible mood and without energy, due to it being the first day of my period. (My only reward for this event, monthly, is that my pants fit again after a week of awful bloating.)

I decided that the best way to deal with my resultant homicidal desires was to write poetry about them. Therefore I give you several angry period haiku.

Hormones! My body
Punishes me cruelly, for
Not making babies.


Do not cross my path
Unless you have chocolate.
Or else, opium.


(with apologies to Yeats, and also ladytabitha:)

Blood-dimmed tide is loose -
A primal urge that bids me
Go stabby stabby.


I slept for twelve hours.
This has made your existence
No less annoying.


What is that you say?
No, I don't have PMS -
I simply hate you.


Take ibuprofen.
That way it will hurt less when
I bite your head off.


I am not crying.
These drops falling from my eyes
Are pure liquid hate.


My blood stains the sheets.
And your blood will stain the walls
If you don't shut up.

Comments

[cathijosephine.livejournal.com]

Hee hee. That made me happy.

I am insanely grateful for my continuous bcp, but I certainly do remember PMS all too well.

[water-childe.livejournal.com]

Feelings of violence befit that time of the month.
This is why I'm glad I have a punching bag to vent my annoyances at.

[dietrich.livejournal.com]

Ah, do you do Depo, or Seasonale?

I'm on regular BCP. It makes my periods more tolerable, obviously, but they can still be pretty bad. And PMS is still my curse.

Of course, no matter what dosage I use, I begin spotting in week 3 of pills and then bleed only slightly once I'm in the placebo week. The whole (literally) bloody nonsense ends up taking over a week.

Grr.

[cathijosephine.livejournal.com]

I'm on regular pills, but I skip the placebo week and start the next pack a week early. I slowly got to continuous by lengthening the time between periods until I was doing three packs in a row and then having a period, and eventually just quit the whole bloody business.

I was terribly moody when I first started lengthening the time between periods, but when I got through the fourth month continuous the moodiness dissappeared. My doctor says it's perfectly safe.

[tisana.livejournal.com]

Bwahaha!
Love it.
Absolutely beautiful.
stabby stabby...hee hee...

[lightfixer.livejournal.com]

Those were awesome! I especially like #2 :)

*ducks cheerful head to retain it*

[roy-batty.livejournal.com]

For some reason I can't read haiku without hearing in my mind's ear spoken in the voice of William Shatner.

[cutieperson]

i <3 my Depo.

[catling.livejournal.com]

*gigglefit*

Well, the bloody mess is certainly inspiring you to some amusing haiku. ;)

*draws a bubblebath and offers chocolate*

[ling-tso.livejournal.com]

Ick. Me too. I don't get grumpy so much as sad, bloaty, and extremely cessile. Thank you for improving my day. The ibuprofen haiku was especially good,; I wasn't expecting that twist at the end. Here's one for you:

Whoever designed
My reproductive cycle
Should sizzle in hell.

[dietrich.livejournal.com]

I like that haiku:
the use of the word "sizzle"
is quite good indeed.

I confess a gap
in my vocabulary:
qu'est-ce que c'est "cessile"?

[ling-tso.livejournal.com]

Cessile organisms are those which do not move of their own accord, like the sea sponge, the adult clam, and the gardenia. They're usually contrasted with motile organisms (those which do move of their own accord) like the ox, the salamander, and the silicoflagellate.

[dietrich.livejournal.com]

Your examples are awesome.

I thought that all organisms moved of their own accord, but them some moved only in response to certain stimuli (a gardenia to light, a clam for digestion, and so forth). Perhaps those are involuntary movements, and therefore not "of their own accord"?

[ling-tso.livejournal.com]

I think the difference is that while a cessile organism may have moving parts (e.g., the jaws of a Venus flytrap), the whole organism doesn't move relative to its environment.

[omnia-mutantur.livejournal.com]

brilliant.

i offer you one of my own, since i'm currently attempting to determine if it's medication-worthy pain.

talk at your own risk
stabbing, blinding monthly pain
a menstrual migraine

[unknownrockstar.livejournal.com]

those are awesome. way to go, channeling life's little, er, I should shut up probably.. -those are awesome! :D