Better late than never...

[kitchen_kink]

I'm told that the conventional wisdom on thank-you cards after a wedding is that you're allowed to get them out to people up to a year after the wedding date.

Good thing, that, because I still have 30 to write before October 7. Can anyone say, "low-level priority"? I mean, I'm extremely thankful to my friends and family for all they did and offered for our wedding day. But writing individual thank-you notes and actually MAILING them in this day and age seems like such an incredibly chore, and always seems less important than something else I could be doing. Thank the gods I have an actual deadline.

You folks who have gotten married and did so following certain of the social codes: how long did it take you to get thank-you notes out?

Comments

[tisana.livejournal.com]

You know, getting a handwritten thank you note is so rare as to be special in itself if it's heartfelt...but really, they seem archaic to me. I got several email thank yous from you and it was quite heartfelt and sufficient to get your gratitude across.

[jbsegal.livejournal.com]

They are archaic, but a bit of effort in return for (hopefully thoughtful) gifts is a fair trade.

[phaedra-lari.livejournal.com]

We got married on July 29th, and I hope that we'll have the last of ours out this weekend. I'm trying to push my husband to finish the last of his - we have about 10 to go, with 60 or so written.

I wish there were a clearer ettiquette guide on this subject. I've seen the one year figure, yes, but I've also seen 4 weeks, 6-8 weeks, 3 months and even two weeks (!). We had a relative complain to my husband's mother three weeks after the wedding that she hadn't gotten a thank-you note for a gift she'd specifically asked us not to open till after the wedding! I'm not sure how she thinks two working people whom she well knows went on a two-week honeymoon could be expected to be done with them all that fast! But then if there's one thing I learned during wedding planning, it's that you can't please everyone; a few people will always take issue with your choices and find reasons to complain.

Good luck with getting out your last 30 by your deadline! Remember that they don't have to be long or complex :)

[ditenebre.livejournal.com]

Within a month. Part of the way I held myself accountable for getting them done was to make the commitment that I wouldn't use the gift until I had sent my "Thank You" to the giver. Worked great with the really useful fun things I got, since I was dying to get at those. Not so useful for the inevitable "Oh, gee ... you shouldn't have." gifts that you know are going to sit in a closet somewhere, only to be taken out when the giver comes to visit. In those cases, I rewarded myself with a particularly nice bottle of wine that became part of the refreshments for our very own personal "Thank You Note Writing" party one Saturday.

[wellstar.livejournal.com]

Honestly? A month or two. But our wedding was really small and we received a good number of cards, which were responded to in a less formal manner.

Plus a fair number of people gave cash/gift cards and I have a rule for myself that I'm not allowed to spend gift money until I've thanked the giver. Combined with the fact that people like their checks to clear in the same month they wrote them, those thank yous tend to go out fairly quickly.

[catya.livejournal.com]

not that you'll like this answer, but we did them over breakfasts on our honeymoon.

[lifecollage.livejournal.com]

We had ours out within a month after the wedding, but only because I spent a few hours at Diesel writing about a third of them, and then M and I spent a few evenings (and a few bottles of wine) getting the others out.

The wine helped. A lot.

[feri-hearted.livejournal.com]

I had a small wedding it was my second I got them done before the next semester started (I got married between spring and first summer session while going to university).

I tell you a friend of mine got married last September we brought a gift card to the wedding we got a thank you before years end and it was a huge wedding. Another friend got married in October and we sent her a gift card I have yet to have it acknowledged.

I have my high school senior from last May who has now started college and has but a few thank you notes to get out of the way and a mom that nags him. Thank you notes still matter.

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

I went ahead and sent thank you notes as soon as I got the gifts, most of which came before the wedding. After the wedding I had only a dozen or so left to do, so I finished those up as a break from packing during the following week. And then we moved to London :)

I view thank you notes as pretty completely self-interested. My experience is that people who send thank you notes get more presents. I certainly am more inspired to give another present to someone who has taken the time to write me a note for the previous one.

[kiramor.livejournal.com]

It took me about 4 months. I'd do them in batches, 10 or so at a time. I did the last ones in one huge push a few weeks ago because I couldn't stand having it hang over me any more. I discovered (not that this is useful to someone who is already married) that it was much easier to write them after opening the present, while feeling all glowy, than months and months later. This may be why you're having a hard time finishing.

I do think that it means a lot to send them, though. I cherish the few handwritten things I've gotten in the mail lately.

[roozle.livejournal.com]

Granted it was a heck of a long time ago, but I used every minute of that year of leeway. I'm pretty sure I did eventually get them all done.

I learned that thank yous are amazingly easier to write when they are in the moment of the emotion, and not tinged with the shoulda-done-this-months-ago embarrassment. Not that I always follow my own advice, but I DO try.

[beah.livejournal.com]

We wrote ours when the gifts arrived, for the most part. That way it never really got overwhelming, because the gifts came in dribs and drabs before the wedding. I wrote cards for gifts that came from people on my side of the family/invite list, he for his, and we both signed 'em. I also kept a spreadsheet that had everyone's info about all things, including what they gave us, when, and whether/when they'd been thanked.

[veek.livejournal.com]

*waves randomly*

We had ours out within a month or two. Granted, we had a smallish wedding. We'd printed out our own invites, and modified the design to print out thank-you cards. On the cards was printed a stock text, to which we added a personal hand-written note thanking them for the specific gift and (if it was money) telling them what we used it for. It worked out, mostly because we did it together as an us-activity.

[satyrgrl.livejournal.com]

We got married in mid-May and I had ours done by the time we moved in early August. That is, of course, for those few I never got around to, mostly Matt's family. :-)

I'll check my Emily Post (yes, I have Emily Post) but I'm certain that the rule is a year, and I think it is that way because your guests have a year to get you a gift.

Of course, I have been to quite a few weddings and received maybe 1 thank you note. Ultimately, you should do it because it is nice and makes people feel good, but if you don't no one will care. However, you do have the perfect excuse now for any seemingly late note. You can mention that while you were packing/unpacking you remembered how thoughful the gift was and wanted to drop the person a note saying how much you appreciated it.