The Grouchy Diet

Every now and then, when I start to feel particularly toxic, when I start eating dessert every night, for example, or having wine with dinner four or five times a week, or when I'm not only drinking two cups of coffee in the morning, but also enjoying a mocha at the cafe in the afternoon while I write...well...I feel like it's time for a detox.

I've tried many things. I haven't tried simple water-fasting, mainly because I think doing that for a day or more would slow my metabolism down, not to mention that it makes me pass out. I'm no Gandhi; I'm a big girl with a lot of muscle-mass to keep going.

So I've tried juice fasting. I've tried some sort of supposed Seneca Indian Cleaning Diet, where you eat only fruits and their juices one day, only herbal teas the next, only vegetables and their juices the third day, and only broth the fourth. No dice; I caved before the last day, and the herbal tea day was too much.

So I talked to a naturopath I know in Hawai'i, who said that if I'm one of those people who doesn't take well to fasting, I should try simple, easy to digest cooked vegetables, a sprouted, cooked grain that isn't wheat, corn or oats, and a "nutriceutical," some combination of protein and other nutrients in a powder, which I could get from her. (She doesn't like or trust the ones they have in Whole Foods.) This is especially for liver cleansing, which she suggested is good for acne.

Meanwhile, I found some success about a year ago when I gave up on a fruit fast yet again (it sends my blood sugar into the toilet) and decided to go on a vegan diet for four days, with no: caffeine, alcohol, refined sugar, or wheat.

So I'm doing that again, except that yesterday I tried to go without any complex carbs.

Not. Working. So. Well.

This morning I awoke with a killer headache, which I think can be traced to caffeine withdrawal. I was also weak and faint, so I started the day with an apple and some peanut butter. It helped, a little. But yesterday and today I've been severely lacking focus.

My understanding of fasting is that it's meant to be a contemplative time, a time when it's okay for your mind to go wandering, in fact, crucial. It's a journey that lifts you out of the physical realm, out even of the mental realm, to the spiritual.

Mainly because you can't walk or think straight.

So right now I'm eating some brown rice, and I can already feel the carbs doing their work. I've also taking a tip from ceelove and I'm eating lemon juice, olive oil, raw garlic, parsley and cayenne pepper to assist the liver cleanse.

But I still feel pretty depressed and unfocussed.

Does anyone have any experience with detoxing (in whatever manner), and know how long you should feel, well, toxic, before the crap flushes out of your system?

And yes, I'm drinking plenty of water.