Oh, help.

So I've spent the majority of the afternoon writing a few sentences. I'm trying to write a query for Travel + Leisure, just to see if I can catch their eye. They say they rarely assign a feature to someone with whom they haven't worked, so I'm going for their "Reports" section, which is approximately 300-word snippets about little finds.

Many queries, I'm told, use the lead of the article for their first sentences. That's what I'm going for here, just so ya know. This is what I have so far. I hate it. Anyone know anything about queries, or just want to help make this punch a bit more?

***

Rarely does a bed and breakfast achieve the perfect balance of intimacy, luxury, and privacy, but the custom-built Horizon Guest House, near Place of Refuge on the Kona Coast of Hawai'i, combines the peacefulness and individual attention of a country inn with the elegant amenities of a top resort.

In early August of this year, I visited this small yet spectacular lodging in Honaunau. It is truly a find, removed 1,100 feet up Mauna Loa from the tourist bustle of the Kailua-Kona district, with an astonishing view, yet only a short drive from the coast's attractions. I would like to write a brief piece outlining its serenity, isolation, and high level of service for the discriminating readers of Travel + Leisure.

Should you take interest in this idea, I can provide the article electronically or via standard mail, and, if desired, include digital photographs.

Thank you for your time and for considering my query.

***

Blah, blah, blah.

Off to write the real Hawai'i stuff, custom-built for youse guys.

MEME ME - from tafkar

Your meme, should you choose to accept it, is to rank the following bands in order, from COULDN'T LIVE WITHOUT to COULDN'T CARE LESS. To add value to this process, you must also add one band to the list, and remove one band from the list, before passing the meme on (including these instructions).

They Might Be Giants
The Beatles
Queen
David Bowie
REM
Duran Duran
New Order
The Pixies
Suzanne Vega
Nirvana
Jethro Tull
Sex Pistols
Nick Cave

Funny thing is, I just about reversed her list. And guess who I added...