Sometimes I hear "girl-kissing o'clock" invoked in a tone that makes me uncomfortable*, and I've been icked out by women hooting when I kiss a boy. BUT not always, and I think it's a lot more harmless in a milieu where people already regularly do things (in part) to turn third parties on, and where a given audience member is way more likely to have experimented with one of their own boundaries in front of the performing bisexuals.
It's not that greater symmetry 'evens the score'-- as you point out, if we're going to even the score, we should do it by treating everyone well, not by being creepy to everyone!-- it's that knowing roles aren't fixed actually takes away some of the negatives.
(* Mostly when it seems especially ritualized, or the person announcing it is a straight man. Not that straight men are ipso facto creepy if they encourage other people to do things. That might be my own issues there.)
(On the third hand, maybe the most poisonous part of stereotypical performative bisexuality is the requirement that you not really mean it. And I don't see THAT around me. Not to say it's not there.)
(Anyone reading this who has watched me kiss other men but only enjoyed watching under the belief that I didn't really like it, please let me know so I can update my files.)
Interesting (and important) stipulation to write a column on. In general, as you write these columns, you might consider a sort of series on these overlaps and the assumptions people (inside and outside the communities in question) make about how they go hand in hand.
Critics of "alternative sexualities" like to conflate all of them together, as if a lesbian must also be a whip-wielding, orgy-hosting, pagan "slut." It's to be expected, unfortunately. But the same assumptions seem to bleed into the perceptions of many who are otherwise tolerant or respectful, and further exploring the ways that people may be monogamous but bi, or poly but not, or poly but not pagan, etc. would make interesting reading. At least to me.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2009-10-30 01:07 am (UTC)Sometimes I hear "girl-kissing o'clock" invoked in a tone that makes me uncomfortable*, and I've been icked out by women hooting when I kiss a boy. BUT not always, and I think it's a lot more harmless in a milieu where people already regularly do things (in part) to turn third parties on, and where a given audience member is way more likely to have experimented with one of their own boundaries in front of the performing bisexuals.
It's not that greater symmetry 'evens the score'-- as you point out, if we're going to even the score, we should do it by treating everyone well, not by being creepy to everyone!-- it's that knowing roles aren't fixed actually takes away some of the negatives.
(* Mostly when it seems especially ritualized, or the person announcing it is a straight man. Not that straight men are ipso facto creepy if they encourage other people to do things. That might be my own issues there.)
(On the third hand, maybe the most poisonous part of stereotypical performative bisexuality is the requirement that you not really mean it. And I don't see THAT around me. Not to say it's not there.)
(Anyone reading this who has watched me kiss other men but only enjoyed watching under the belief that I didn't really like it, please let me know so I can update my files.)
no subject
Date: 2009-10-30 07:07 pm (UTC)Critics of "alternative sexualities" like to conflate all of them together, as if a lesbian must also be a whip-wielding, orgy-hosting, pagan "slut." It's to be expected, unfortunately. But the same assumptions seem to bleed into the perceptions of many who are otherwise tolerant or respectful, and further exploring the ways that people may be monogamous but bi, or poly but not, or poly but not pagan, etc. would make interesting reading. At least to me.