Put simply, this phenomenon is a result of the Einstein mass-energy equivalence, which states that mass is linearly equivalent to to energy using the conversion factor of the square of the speed of light. Now we all know that one of the famous benefits of exercise is that it gives you more energy, so as any college freshman in an introductory logic course could easily be convinced, it must cause you to gain weight as well.
"But nuance!" you are probably saying, "To find the amount of mass I'm gaining, I'd have to divide my gain in energy by the square of the speed of light!" (about 9*1016 m2/s2, btw.) That's right! And in order to be gaining a pound, you'd have to be gaining approximately 4*1016 joules of energy, or about the amount of energy released by the explosion of a ten-megaton atomic bomb! This would destroy everything within five miles of you. I myself am almost certainly within this radius, which means that you must be very careful indeed.
Your latent mutant powers have been activated, and no one knows what might set them off -- road rage, violent orgasm, carpet mites -- any of these are possibilities! Our only hope is for you to go to an unpopulated area, recline on a Barcalounger, and eat raw chocolate chip cookie dough from a can while watching Jerry Springer until the threat has passed.
After this is done, you should contact me, Professor Viktor Yumgube, for an unprecedented business opportunity. My father was the Trade Minister of Mali and he left -- oh, I see my excellent friend in the white coat and I must be gone.
no subject
"But nuance!" you are probably saying, "To find the amount of mass I'm gaining, I'd have to divide my gain in energy by the square of the speed of light!" (about 9*1016 m2/s2, btw.) That's right! And in order to be gaining a pound, you'd have to be gaining approximately 4*1016 joules of energy, or about the amount of energy released by the explosion of a ten-megaton atomic bomb! This would destroy everything within five miles of you. I myself am almost certainly within this radius, which means that you must be very careful indeed.
Your latent mutant powers have been activated, and no one knows what might set them off -- road rage, violent orgasm, carpet mites -- any of these are possibilities! Our only hope is for you to go to an unpopulated area, recline on a Barcalounger, and eat raw chocolate chip cookie dough from a can while watching Jerry Springer until the threat has passed.
After this is done, you should contact me, Professor Viktor Yumgube, for an unprecedented business opportunity. My father was the Trade Minister of Mali and he left -- oh, I see my excellent friend in the white coat and I must be gone.